are you still at the devil's house?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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