i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
