i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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