I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
