it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
