Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
