soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
