so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
