At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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