How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
