we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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