True but thats because hes a fetus.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
