So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
