super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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