The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
