clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
