Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
