That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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