I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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