I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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