no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
