Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
