Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
