her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
