matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Your tits are I can't wait for
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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