i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
