Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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