This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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