so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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