he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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