Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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