just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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