I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I won't apologize to a one balled man
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
