Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
there is puke in my bra ... again
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
