That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
well you can't waste a boner
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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