he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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