dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
