i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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