do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
