1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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