I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
