Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
