i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
