Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
