Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just found a bag of teeth...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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