i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
