remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
