When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Do vagina's smell?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
