My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
