I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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