scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
