Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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